Jack Bauer will save us all
my husband did a phenomenal thing about a year ago, he got me hooked on crack. not just any crack, the good shit.
if you haven’t ever watched 24 stop reading this, punch yourself in the face and then go rent the first season. i say punch yourself because that’s what i would do to anyone that offended me that much. and it is offensive that you haven’t watched this torture laced masterpiece.
that’s right kids, if you want to know who started that nasty rumour about your herpes, find out from your mom where your dad stashes the extra cash or just for shits and giggles watch 24 and you will learn how to get anything out on anybody. now i know that there are some people that say, “24 desensitizes people to what torture really is and teaches them that whenever you use it, it will work. when in reality, torture has been shown not to be that rewarding. you can get what you want to know even if it isn’t true if you torture someone” this was an actual conversation i had with some people recently at my local dog park when talking about 24. and you know what i think? who gives a fuck.
i don’t necessarily know what i feel about torture yet, i have some ideas that i’m not ready to take an astute stand on. HOWEVER, when i think about the times we’re in and whats going on everywhere i would love to think and sleep better doing so if i knew there was jack bauer out there. he is such a bad ass motherfucker. forget samuel l. jackson, jb is where its at. he is everything you want in an agent of his kind. doesn’t trust anyone, never lets his guard down, will do anything, will let anyone die, will kill anyone. he will even cut some guys head off! that shit is awesome. alas, it’s not just the torture and bad-assness of jb that make this show great. there’s his cast of co-horts who sometimes you want to hug and sometimes you could cut your hand by breaking through your TV while trying to strangle them. the show is pretty formulaic, like your law and orders and what not but the formula is so good. it doesn’t hurt that the writing on the show is also great for the most part except for some dodgy parts here and there but what show going into its seventh season doesn’t have those? it also doesn’t hurt that kiefer sutherland is so talented and so hot and sweaty and shirtless and…sorry drifted off there to my favourite place.
the show is so addictive that when you watch it i would suggest doing so during the weekend. tie the kids up throw them in the closet with some cornuts and if the wife/husband doesn’t want to watch it, well then you have some serious marital problems and should probably go to some counseling (after 24 of course) it is so addictive that you will just want to watch one dvd after another until your eyes feel like there is cotton stuffed behind them and your body is twitching while trying to wake its limbs back up which you have neglected for the last 11 hours. i have two cats and a dog and let me tell you, everyone gets peed and pooped fed and then fucking forgotten for the next two days.
its so addictive that last week my husband and i finished season five and were appalled to find out season six wasn’t going to be out until december 4th(!) that he just went out and got season one so we could get our fix. we have actually been jonesing so bad that at night we stare at each other than start whining about how sad our dvd player looks without the stack of six asskicking dvd’s on top of it. we reminisce about it like a junkie remembering that time they got that really good shit for cheap, and not only was it only cheap the bag was on the heavy side! still more, we exchange our 24 dreams when we wake up in the morning and talk about what we did with jb in our dream and what the terrorist form was. we’re junkies all right. the worst kind, we would sell each other and our mothers out if it meant getting season six a day sooner. we’re pathetic.
so like every good drug user and pusher all i have to say is, “don’t you want to try it? this shit will change your life! it makes you feel so good! what are you scared of? just do it and be on our level, man. just once, just a little”